Wow, that whole Tiger Mom really bites! Kids need to be pushed, but not over the edge. I know it's a caricature, but is it really necessary for your toddler to become an accomplished pianist? I used to be tiger-momish. It doesn't work, you end up hurting your kids and those who surround them. Don't get me wrong; I handle my four boys like they're a regiment. That goes right out the window when one of them is feeling anxious or frustrated with essential life issues. A Lego being misplaced is not a matter of life and death, so sure, snapping your fingers (as opposed to cracking a whip) and getting a boy to move on is fine. Les anxious parents make less anxious children.
Now Bryan Caplan, on the other hand, has a point about finding out what you can just let go. The "Modern Family" episode where a mom takes her son to the shrink because she's worried that he'll turn into her husband one day hits that nail on the head about anxiety over those things you can't actually control. The daughter of a bed-wetter might very probably be a bed-wetter herself because sphincter control is about maturity, not about will power. The son of a hyperactive parent has a high chance of being hyperactive. So yes, nature, not so much nurture, is key. This is it why after 14 years of schooling not all high school graduates are Nobel Prize winners. Not everything can be nurtured. That being said, sphincter control can be trained and hyperactivity can be addressed. So what should we choose to stop fussing about? Where can me make a few cuts in the Parental Anxiety Department? My wife looks at my kids getting at each others' throats and says, "No blood? Everything's fine."
I sometimes wonder if Amy Chu wrote the book not for the benefit of promoting the content of her point of view but rather for controversy. If it is the latter, then she was a huge success because she made a killing selling her book. She knew how to get a rise out of people in flaunting such a somewhat "extreme" style of parenting. Sure, Bryan Caplan's point of view begs the proverbial question, nature v nurture and assigns nature as the unequivocal winner. But a conclusion that swings kinda too far the other way leaves an unsettling feeling that there is nothing that you can do beyond what you are born with.
When a child faces a challenge he or she can't posible tackle without help, it's imperative that parents provide the scaffolding for boys and girls to build their strengths with. Though there are things we can't change (and probably shouldn't try to) about our children, it's imperative that parents make the necessary adjustments to foster development. Reading, for example, is easy for some children and difficult for others. Parents of a child with dyslexia will probably try to help, but if they expect to get results by behaving like a drill-sergeant, I'm certain that failure will be the only result. If good results are attained, there's little chance that the child's self-esteem won't be diminished. Part of a parent's job is to allow their children to be proud to have had someone to count on. Part of our job is to turn our children on to the important things in life; love, happiness, the bettering of one's self and the support and care of others. That's where we can make a difference. That's where we've got the reigns.
5 comments:
Wow, that whole Tiger Mom really bites! Kids need to be pushed, but not over the edge. I know it's a caricature, but is it really necessary for your toddler to become an accomplished pianist?
I used to be tiger-momish. It doesn't work, you end up hurting your kids and those who surround them. Don't get me wrong; I handle my four boys like they're a regiment. That goes right out the window when one of them is feeling anxious or frustrated with essential life issues. A Lego being misplaced is not a matter of life and death, so sure, snapping your fingers (as opposed to cracking a whip) and getting a boy to move on is fine.
Les anxious parents make less anxious children.
Now Bryan Caplan, on the other hand, has a point about finding out what you can just let go. The "Modern Family" episode where a mom takes her son to the shrink because she's worried that he'll turn into her husband one day hits that nail on the head about anxiety over those things you can't actually control. The daughter of a bed-wetter might very probably be a bed-wetter herself because sphincter control is about maturity, not about will power. The son of a hyperactive parent has a high chance of being hyperactive. So yes, nature, not so much nurture, is key. This is it why after 14 years of schooling not all high school graduates are Nobel Prize winners. Not everything can be nurtured. That being said, sphincter control can be trained and hyperactivity can be addressed.
So what should we choose to stop fussing about? Where can me make a few cuts in the Parental Anxiety Department? My wife looks at my kids getting at each others' throats and says, "No blood? Everything's fine."
Lol. I love it.
I sometimes wonder if Amy Chu wrote the book not for the benefit of promoting the content of her point of view but rather for controversy. If it is the latter, then she was a huge success because she made a killing selling her book. She knew how to get a rise out of people in flaunting such a somewhat "extreme" style of parenting. Sure, Bryan Caplan's point of view begs the proverbial question, nature v nurture and assigns nature as the unequivocal winner. But a conclusion that swings kinda too far the other way leaves an unsettling feeling that there is nothing that you can do beyond what you are born with.
When a child faces a challenge he or she can't posible tackle without help, it's imperative that parents provide the scaffolding for boys and girls to build their strengths with. Though there are things we can't change (and probably shouldn't try to) about our children, it's imperative that parents make the necessary adjustments to foster development. Reading, for example, is easy for some children and difficult for others. Parents of a child with dyslexia will probably try to help, but if they expect to get results by behaving like a drill-sergeant, I'm certain that failure will be the only result. If good results are attained, there's little chance that the child's self-esteem won't be diminished.
Part of a parent's job is to allow their children to be proud to have had someone to count on. Part of our job is to turn our children on to the important things in life; love, happiness, the bettering of one's self and the support and care of others. That's where we can make a difference. That's where we've got the reigns.
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