You promote what you permit

When I was growing up, my dad would take my brothers and I to the neighborhood barber shop. My earliest memories of things we'd do only as the 'men' in the family was precisely walking to the barber's. I even remember how dad would make us run in front of him and back so as to fight the cold on our way to the shop. It's my turn now and I get to take my children to the barber.
Don Eduardo has a part barber shop, part hair salon close to our house. I don't always take all four boys at once (divide to conquer), but I sometimes do. He knows the kinks, quirks and bumps of all the boys' heads. He most of all knows their temperament. When we go to the shop, he greets each boy by name. He talks to each boy in just the right way to connect with each one. When he cuts their hair they know he's paying attention just to them. Going to the barber shop is like going home.
Don Eduardo is so good with the boys from the families he receives that the moms take their girls too. Yesterday he offered a mom to have his female hair dresser cut her two girls' hair: "No, I want YOU to cut it". I've tried other shops and other barbers, but with don Eduard I can sit back and enjoy the ride. Sure, some of my boys go to the shop kicking and screaming, but when they're there, they laugh, tell stories and run around and outside the shop.
As a Principal I talk to many parents who don't know how they lost control of what has been happening in their child's life. Quite a few parents have let things happen to their children and have turned a blind eye to things their kids are involved in. When you have a vision of what you want for your children, it's things like where they get their hair cut and who actually cuts it that can help you achieve that vision.
In Chile we have a saying: it's not the pig's fault; it's who provides the slop. The notion that adults or authority figures are responsible for whatever can happen doesn't always have a negative side; allowing things to happen can have a good side when you make good choices about what you permit.

Like a 'hooker' in a 'scrum'

A key player ina Rugby Sevens scrum is the 'hooker'. The hooker uses his legs to hook the ball so that his team members can then take the ball. So the hooker's presence and role is central, but it means nothing without the direct and constant support of the other members of his team. In fact, apparently nothing in Rugby can be achieved without teamwork. Unlike soccer or a few other contact sports, rugby fully integrates teamwork into the entirety of the game.
My eldest son is the hooker in his school's team for his category. Though he walked around with an inflated ego for a few days after being assigned the position, he quickly lost the haughty attitude once he understood that he was just another player, that other players had other roles, and that he had to play his part.
For children, and many times for adults, it is tremendously complex to learn how to be a protagonist at one point and then serve as a player who supports another's protagonism. Teachers go crazy finding ways to teach teamwork using multiple scenarios, spending long hours in class modeling behaviors, and correcting errors. I've seen only one fantastic teacher of English accomplish teaching teamwork in a manner that looks effortless. I've seen an abundance of (and personally experienced countless) disappointments while tackling the same challenge. For some reason in Rugby the notion that everybody's indispensable just clicks for boys. Sure, there's guidance from the coach, but the players appear to automatically acquire a sense of unity that is foreign to other contact sports.
Last weekend we watched a soccer match where very few players were the stars of the game. It was clear that the majority of the players were anonymous even while being on the pitch. More often than not I see the same phenomenon ocurr in the classroom with students; there are those who excel and there are those who go unannounced and unsung. At home it feels like an impossible task to make certain that all the boys feel they are important. Perhaps the answer is to allow children to be the hooker in the scrum and feel that at times they are the key player, but at other times, their job is to help someone else shine.

Dulces sueños (continuado)

Antes he escrito acerca de los remedios naturales para solucionar problemas relacionados con el sueño. La verdad es que, cada día con mayor frecuencia, veo que el sueño es un factor decisivo en como funcionamos durante el día. Lo veo con los estudiantes en el colegio, con mis hijos en casa y en mi persona. Las horas que permanecemos durmiendo, y la calidad de nuestro sueño, condicionan el diario vivir. En el colegio, los alumnos que no duermen bien tienen un desempeño descendido. Cuando mis hijos duermen mal, sus temperamentos cambian. Cuando yo duermo mal, manejo las tensiones con menos destreza.
Lograr que los niños duerman bien es una gran tarea y hay varias opciones que nos pueden ayudar. La primera la aprendimos más bien por la fuerza que por la razón. Es imprescindible ofrecer a los niños rituales para el sueño, ya sea por medio de la lectura, la conversación u otra actividad que le permita a los niños bajar el nivel de agitación natural que se produce al terminar el día. Los que tienen hijos menores de un año recordarán que antes de dormir ellos pueden tender a llorar mucho y a estar molestos. Esto es su manera de gastar el exceso de energía que todavía conservan previo a dormir. Pero no es necesario que el llanto o la agitación sea el mecanismo para lograr desprenderse del exceso de energía. Al igual que a los niños más pequeños se les puede leer, cantar, dar un baño o dar un masaje, a los niños mayores se les puede acompañar previo a dormir con variaciones de estas técnicas.
En ocasiones, pareciera que nada funciona. Hay veces en que se debe buscar y oprimir el botón de reinicio que tienen los niños para que ellos y nosotros logremos dormir. Los niños sí tienen un botón de reinicio. Lamentablemente no tienen un botón de modalidad suspendida u "off", pero sí de reinicio. Para cada niño, ese botón es diferente, pero definitivamente hay cosas que funcionan para la mayoría. Los remedios caseros funcionan muy bien, pero no hay que abusar de ellos. Lo que nos ayudó con más de uno de nuestros hijos fueron las cáscaras de naranja. Una infusión con la capa superior de cáscaras de naranja produce sueño y permite que los niños, durante un par de noches, se reincien y luego puedan conciliar el sueño sin esa ayuda.
Hemos probado muchas técnicas y lo más probable es que para cada niño y cada familia se deban hacer algunos ajustes, pero me atrevo a decir que para todos el uso rituales y remedios caseros ayudan a facilitar que los momentos previos a la hora de dormir sean muy gratos.